| [ |
mood |
| |
 okay |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
ella fitzgerald + louis armstrong- cheek to cheek |
] |
lately, ive been smoking too many cigarettes
and worrying about presents.
im keeping it to immediate family+the boys i nanny for+klae this year (possibly a few others). actually, i don't really have any close friends, and im using that excuse. but the few people im responsible for are getting me nervous, already.
my sister is coming to visit, soon. the 18th. she's already 17 and getting so big. im really excited to see her, and have the oppurtunity to witness the 'mother-daughter' reunion.
+, she also gets to see peyton. and peyton is getting so big.
tnite my mother, the baby and i went to eat sushi, then for a visit to see klae at work. peyton had never been to a starbucks before and the fact that klae had on some sort of costume on (angel wings for some benefit with work), peyton became nervous and wouldn't even stop by to say hello to him. this is the same little girl who took her pants off by herself the last time he came over and then struck a pose.
i talked to andrew last night for a really long time. i was really scared at first because we haven't seen each other since the break up, and i get really uncomfortable and bite my tongue at what i should/shouldn't say around him to block any awkwardness. but it was SO NICE to be able to know how he's doing, and have him ask questions about klae and seem comfortable. i really hope to stay friends with him. and im genuinely happy about the status of him and his current girlfriend. i mean that.
but i was thinking. this year has been one of the intense of my entire life. between having custody of peyton, school, waitressing, nannying, secretary-ing, a break up, a new love, and having to establish a relationship with my mother all over again. at the same time trying to convince everyone that she's my mother and i have every reason to forgive and forget. "i'm no angel, myself."
im looking forward to writing more next semester and if every book i read from here on out is half as amazing as i know this much is true by wally lamb, i'll be content. and ready for a new year.
i think the problem with not having as many friends as im used to having is that every weekend i plan some spectacular get-together in my head, and then when the clock hits eleven, and nothing is happening, i stay up trying to find things to do waiting for a phone call. eventaully, im tired, and have established nothing but reading. i was telling carrie earier that i feel as though im a barefoot pregnant woman lying around the house watching TGIF, waiting for klae to get off work. anyhow, im not trying to inaugarate some sort of pity party. i do enjoy this alone time for the most part.
i'd really like to attend a holiday party this year.
is anyone planning anything?
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
vegaslites's journal
thankful
excited
giddy
good